Month: February 2015

Las Vegas

Dawn breaks
and the city awaits
Like a devil
in neon masquerade
She never sleeps
all her dreams
are chemical dust
An explosion
in the blacks
of your eyes.
There is a sweet relief
in her excess
A beauty
in her wasteland
A tragedy in your morning
regrets
A gentle haunting
in all the
secrets
she keeps.

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Bla bla bla

Yesterday I spent too much time feeling shitty and sorry for myself. I thought writing would make me feel better but then all I wrote was shit, so I felt even shittier. I discovered this big leach was attached to the side of my head like some grotesque growth turning my brains to mush, sucking out my inspiration. I scratched at it and it hissed. The fucking leach hissed at me! So I left it alone to its sucking.
Then he came over in the mood to fight. Eventually all I heard was bla bla bla bla and I started fantasizing about pushing his head down into a poop pie and holding it there until he shut his mouth. There is no need for this, I already know what you think of me. You never shut up.
I made some tea because I was all out of wine, and I felt even shittier. Watched some tv in bed, but again all I heard was bla bla bla.

Don’t linger too long

Yes there are these things
I know
and still don’t want to hear
This is the end
I’ve known it
and I’ve wanted it
for awhile now
but it still makes me sad
Can I just be fucking sad?

Tomorrow
I will smile
and feel the sun on my skin
and the wind in my hair
and I will remember
that I am small
and all this will one day
be insignifigant
but right now
I just want to linger
in my sadness.

A life lesson from a vulcan

I was sad to hear that Leonard Nimoy had passed away, so here’s my little nod to my favorite vulcan. Even though Spock always ended up in the “friend zone” in my Star Trek fantasies I still think he was pretty bad ass. I have been practicing my death grip for years and still have not mastered it like Spock. I will keep trying.

As a child certain Star Trek episodes stood out for me. One of those (Besides the time Kirk’s personalities split – one of the hottest episodes ever) was when Spock had to fight another vulcan for a vulcan woman. After it was all done and said and Spock ended up womanless, he said to Kirk “After a time you may find that wanting is not as pleasing a thing as having. It is not logical, but it is often true.”

So that was my childhood life lesson from a vulcan. It has often proved true. But you know, Spock was not always right. Sometimes the having is pretty damn nice too. If it is the right thing.

Live long and prosper.

Heidi

Little longings they fade away

Daydreaming,
can you hear the wisp
of my melancholy
in my sigh?
These little longings
and a memory
of her
And I wonder how these feelings
could ever end
or fade away.

I remember the sound
of the waves
and the tremor of her voice
The curve of her smile
when she spoke
that crazy awful amazing night
You taste, how I always imagined you’d taste
I wish you could remember.

We’d drink blue martinis
and smoke clove cigarettes
on the beach all night
confessing our sins
and I’d never know if she would kiss
or hit me come morning.
It was always
a surprise.

Today I will

Today I will
do the dishes
with a little Californication
in the background
because I need a good
filthy laugh
I will burn my lunch
and settle on a granola bar
I won’t pick up the phone
if he calls
I’ll bitch about
my lack of inspiration
and my inability to rhyme
Then I will try to paint
the stars
tilt my head to the side
and recognize my
failure.
But I won’t mind.

A memory of a wine stain

I wish we had that moment back,
before the great sadness,
before that monster birthed within your brain.
My head was fuzzy from the free liquor
and out of all the people in the room you chose to talk to me
even though I knew I wasn’t your favorite
but I had accepted this long ago.
I told you I had lost my religion
you said you were proud
of me.
And I clung to those words
because I had become so accustomed to
breeding disappointment.
We had more wine
and you said some loud vulgar things
just to embarrass my dad.
How I loved you for that!
We were both drunk
(perhaps me a little more)
and I dropped my drink
on the fancy carpeting.
But you took all the blame.

I posted this awhile back but its been heavy on my mind so revamped and reposted. I’m sorry if I could not rhyme or if my flow is choppy. I couldn’t worry myself with these things.

It’s a reminder never to take these type of moments for granted, you may never have them again. My aunt’s frontal lope is deteriorating and there’s no real explanation as to why. But I think we all know. Now she can no longer speak.

But I remember her as she was before. She was so damn funny, and ridiculous, and would say the most shocking things. She’d fill old ladies baskets with condemns and tampons when they weren’t looking and would start food fights in high end restaurants. Still she managed to remain classy and beautiful. I miss her laugh a great deal.