Month: May 2015

lossĀ 

I should have been there, I know

I feel this loss deep within the marrows of my bones

And I forgive you, he says

But take this knowledge to your grave

You missed out on something spectacular 

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Believe

Lay me down in these lilac fields of dreams

calm my violent mind, my endless wandering

Your search is over

Smile and breath deeply

pop the poppyseeds

You want my love?

Then come get it

Don’t just say it, spit it

Fucking mean it

Believe it

You were everything I ever wanted and everything I need

You said you’d cross oceans and seas

just to watch me bleed

For my blood can be pretty

spiraling across white sheets

This is heaven,

you better believe it

You better know the dream can go on

when you open your eyes

Believe it

Believe it

Or you will lose it forever.

And on and on…

I fool myself once again,

for it is always what I do

what I am good at,

and not much else

I spend the day petting these old scars

in rememberence of you 

You told me to believe

and then sucker punched my dream

So say the cruelest thing

on the saddest day

and pass it off as a joke

I forget to laugh, something else happens instead 

and I hate you for it

but I hate myself even more

For there is no one I want who wants me

and anyone who wants me, I don’t want

this is how my story goes…and on and on and on

it goes

Untitled because it’s late

I should have known it would never be that easy

You don’t just get to shake your melancholy off

Like drops of rain

Not for people like me

The loners that are never alone 

The dreamers that forget to dream

I want to believe, but this silence steals everything 

So I travel the path that is most well travelled, 

And yet is always 

the loneliest 

The wish

We wished a wish

So pure was our desire that our hearts ached and bled for it

We poured all our will and all our tears and all our fervor

into that wish

And when the wish was denied, our hearts broke

We cried, and looked for things to numb our anguish

We told ourselves in slurred speech it was for the best, and things were as they were meant to be

But we didn’t really believe it

For there was nothing left to yearn for

Nothing left to dream

Nothing left to desire

Nothing left to live for 

But then the storm passed, and the desert bloomed

and we were reminded once again life is beautiful

even when it is terrible.