drinking

Why I drink 

I drink

Because I care too much

The more I drink

The less I care,

The less I care

The better I feel 

Advertisements

Love is a four letter word

Love is a four letter word

You don’t really believe that do you?

I smile and tuck away my sexual frustration

in my pockets, like a book of matches

I’ll light them all later

Or maybe not

There’s a banquet of mediocre lovers

just outside

I study them through my whiskey vision

wondering which one won’t call me the next day

that would be the lucky one

I strike a match

It bursts and fizzles and fades

Like my desire

I know who I am

Sigh

Don’t be a gentlemen 

The blackness of night turns liquid

runs down the back of my throat

Turns my vision hazy, you smile at me from across the room

with your tired bloodshot eyes

There’s something I want to say, but just the right words escape me

No matter the night is fading fast

but I will make you remember me

right up until the first glimmers of dawn

There is joy in the curve of my lips, joy in the movement of my hips 

for there’s nothing quite like the moment 

the music moves you, the rhythm controls you

Later when the music is over I will whisper

Don’t lie to me

and don’t be a gentlemen

For I don’t want anything that’s not real

My tired bloodshot eyes seem to say

I don’t want anything 

that’s good for me either

It isn’t true

I drink only to tame my labido

Oops that didn’t work 

quite the way I had intended

but this is how my night ended

how my life ended

I drank the ash, they brought me back

So I failed my religion

among a muriad other things

But I’ll drink from Jesus’ 

bloody cup

Knowing if I drink enough

salvation will spin into this room

a brittle, bitter, sweet relief will be coming soon

He says in my daze

all they want from me is a quick lay

but no one will ever love me

I stand up and shout

Fuck you, it isn’t true

fuck you, it isn’t true

fuck you, it isn’t true….


A collection of failures

The night was unforgiving

she told me not worry

not to give it a second thought

She bought the cheapest rum

and I told her she was the classiest white trash bitch

I’d ever partied with

She thought it was the sweetest thing

I wondered if I would ever grow up

So we ran down the aisles of the liquor store

looking for the dirtiest porn

Because I figured it was about time

I do adult things

At home I have a drawer full of diamond rings

I collect my failures like some people

collect coins

postage stamps

or notches on their belt

Its’ time for me to go home

They ask me to stay

but I am sick in my loneliness tonight

I want to be alone, so I can feel justified

It’s my choice

and there’s a cold satisfaction in my pain

I turn to leave and I can see

weird wide eyes through the glass

scratch her nails

down another mans back

I smirk as he attempts to defend his penis (not a chance)

 I have to remind myself

going home alone, 

It’s my choice. 

A toast to Armageddon

I see Armageddon 

I see the end

I raise my glass

For all the things I drink to

and will never drink to again

Like joy and sorrow

love and lonliness

I drink to today 

and I drink to no tomorrow

I drink to drinking

I drink to stop drinking

I drink until I stop thinking

I drink to lies

and I drink to the truth

I drink to old age

and I drink to my youth

I drink to life

and I drink to death

I drink because of all these regrets

I drink to my last breath

I drink for innocence 

and I drink to sin

I drink to what is

and what could have been

I drink poison

and I drink the cure

I drink to find courage

and I drink to overcome fear

I drink to running away

I drink to holding your hand

I drink for the kiss of a woman

and the touch of a man

I drink to laughter

and I drink to tears

I drink cause you’re far

And I’d probably drink if you were near

I have two drinks for the past

and three drinks because there’s nothing new

I have a drink for me

and a drink for you.

Now Armageddon is on the horizon

and I think about dying

I drink to the famine 

and I drink to the floods

I drink because the fires

took all the good drugs

I drink because I wonder about me and you

Perhaps I’ll die a drunk day-dreamer

I suppose I’ll drink to that too. 



Cold night

Last night was a cold night

I hope you a have bonfire back there

I hope you are burning witches

The witches are ablaze

How did you know?

The smell of burning flesh

led me here

You are a funny girl

I found sister star gazing

at the bottom of an empty pool

and the dog wouldn’t stop licking my bare skin

It’s because I taste like Jameson

Funny

I marveled at how the Vegas sky 

always looks like the sun is about to rise

and it was only 1am

You look like you could use another shot

probably not

How about now?

Funny

But I had a long ride home

and all this time

was starting to catch up to me. 

Green eyed fly

There are times I feel like a shadow

a green eyed fly on the wall

in some dive bar

There are times I wish

I could find comfort in the arms of stranger

For just one night

But I was never that girl

He says you sure are a cocky bitch

My crooked little smile says

you don’t want none of this

No, really I’m the 

sweetest thing

But you’ll never know

We slam down our frothing mugs on the bar

This has gone too far!

Can’t you see we are all dying here!?!

Bartender, bring me another beer

I sure hope they serve rum in the afterlife

and the Devil turns out to be rather nice

looking

And I’ll tell him a joke

We’ll share a lament and a smoke

I’ll be the sweetest thing

A shadow across the Devil’s lips

a green eyed fly 

sunbathing in the flames.

She crashes cars

I poured us each a drink and we flirted with the boys until buttons flew. The next thing I knew we were wrestling in the alligator pond. Your fists were flying and I tried to take your keys. You talked some shit, and I wondered ‘is all of this true?’ 

I grew tired of being kicked and hit and I threw the keys back in your face. “Go drive, kill yourself then, see if I care.” But I was sick to my stomach when I said it. Like I had written your death sentence. Or someone else’s. 

And you did drive, tires squeeling, right into my neighbors car.

“I just got my car out of the shop,” my neighbor complained and called the cops. Those stupid boys ran away 

The cops came and tasered you while they questioned me. “If we search your apartment, what will we find?” 

“Nothing illegal,” I chewed on my lip. 

“People don’t usually act like this just on alcohol.”

No shit. 

You called my name, no you screamed it, and I tried to go to you but the cop pushed me back.”You want to be tasered too?”

“Not particularly.”

They took you away and I stayed up all night, staring at the ceiling, wondering if you were ok.

You called from jail the next morning. “You sure pack a punch girl, I suppose I earned these black eyes. It was about time you got me back.”

“I wish I could take credit, but it was the cops, not me, that beat your ass.”

There were apologies, and “I love yous” and amends to make. You said you’d never drink again, never hit me again, and the things I said you said, you didn’t remember them nor mean them. 

I sighed, “you know this is the begininng of the end?”

And you stayed on the line for some time, and cried. 

A  shitty nearly drunk poem

And I promised myself

I wouldn’t drink the wine

but it reminded me of the bitter

taste of blood

of you

bleeding on my sheets

begging at me feet

(Naw, I made that last part up)

And I could never resist

the sweet allure of excess

(it was my only ease) 

And suddently I can’t stand

to be alone

Me, the self-proclaimed

loner

WHAT THE FUCK?!!!?

You said I’ll destroy everyone

that dare love me

And you were right

once again

But somewhere I lost myself

Became complacent

Forgot how to live

How to love

(Naw, I made that last part up)

I never knew how to begin with.