Secret desire

The only good waves on the west coast

were when the hurricanes were coming

I used the sit on the shore

and watch him paddle out into the ocean on his board

until he was only a dot on the horizon

The sugarcubes were melting on our tongues

And the strange waves became stranger

like great ocean beasts rising and falling

writhing and frothing

I watched him catch one after the other

until one caught him

He was under for some time

The sea monsters continued to wrestle

and hold him down

A bitter coldness settled in my chest

I was sick with satisfaction

and my secret desire

But then he rose from the waves

laughing and asking if I had been afraid

But there had been no fear

only hope

and now my heart held only

disappointment.