loss

Muddy American Flags

We seek the darkness

thunderstorm funerals

muddy American flags

and trains off their tracks

I loved the picture of you out in the water

the wind made your hair wild

Nothing lasts…

I caught a blue glass-eyed wink

and a toothless grin

through the slow rising twirl of cigarette smoke and green flesh

I could smell the decay on your brain

It was a rainy day

when they put you in the ground.

Everything is open wounds now

and a bland thanksgiving dinner sucked through a straw

We forgot somehow, how to laugh

Could have been the slow drip of morphine

or the simple way our bones cracked.

Death dragged his heavy feet

as real life licked me

like a sandpaper tongue

Reminded me I am just the nameless meat

between the lion’s teeth

and we all die alone.

In black in white she sat

her legs demurely crossed

with her crooked cat eyed glasses

Tell me about your chaos lady,

the bloody slashes across your face

your dead baby sister

at the bottom of the outhouse.

It’s no wonder

in the end we all go mad.

Would it be ok if I took this gloom

and weaved it into some hideous mask?

I will hide behind it for the rest of my days.

 

In Memory of my grandfather

Advertisements

Immortality 

In seeking oblivion we

Sing the blues 

From the bottom of the well

We should rot

Like fallen leaves

Your ball game death song

Was at the tip of my tongue

I still don’t believe you’re gone

I whisper to the wind

It was all a lie

We should all tear out our throats

As if they were beating hearts

Our children

Should never have to die
Our hearts will always believe 

 In Immortality 

The sound of your breath

A quarter till midnight

and I listened for the sound of your breath

although this was an impossible thing

You see, it hurts to care

I think I’ll just stop

If only it were that easy.

I never wanted anyone to bend for me

I just wanted to be

It was never enough

It was always too much

It was an impossible thing.

So I wiped the spit from my eyes

and I saw angels

quivering and frothing

like wild horses

descending to crush me beneath their gallop

a violent kiss

to fatten my lip

a whip across my eyes

I slid my fingers up the Devil’s thigh

and pulled the blades out

from beneath his skin

Now this time

I think I’ll please myself

bleed myself

Take a ride

with these dirty wings.

I know all the answers

were to be found in bedtime stories

of vengeance

of rages

of murder and rape

And all the questions shall forever remain unspoken

I’ll close these tired eyes

under the midnight skies

and listen for the sound

of your breath.

Nowhere near Nirvana

The wheels turn

but we go nowhere

Spin, spin spin circles shugah

the hamster wipes the bloody spunk off of his face

Keep running, you’re nowhere near

Nirvana

She could be the death of me

but you can’t kill

what’s already dead

He said it with a cigarette bouncing between his teeth

a needle-prick muse,

a noose around his neck

Tongue these open sores

they taste like  popped cherries

when you’ve still got some good tunes up your sleeve

Sadly they’ll bury you before your blues will every play

on the radio

The white trash angel in black eyeliner

will stretch her bleached anorexic wings and shout

Hide the shotgun

save the American icon

But it was already too late. 

there is no escape

I stood in the garden
there was death and roses all around us
your hands were cold
I had to let go
But your name doesn’t belong here. 
No one belongs here.
And yet there is no escape.
Her hair was black again
her eyes pinpricks of blue light
Ryan took our pictures
and I broke my wineglass on the floor
I had no idea in the moment
just how precious 
that memory would become. 

  

you were not you

You were not you

and I was afraid

I turned away to watch the captive fish float by

Did those long nights of breaking ice

and eating cheap brains

break you?

The cancer had a way of drawing my eye

how it wanted to bleed

But I knew you had found a place to hide

There was something comforting about it

There was something wrong about it all

like feeding pudding to a toothless lion

You were not you

but your watery eyes told a different story

I promise 

I won’t remember you this way