prose

in between chords

Dusk brushed the building tops

I saw the twinkle in your eye 

within the city lights

A sigh formed in longing

the memory of a frosty kiss…

the smell of leather

the scent of you.

These are things I will forever miss…

The music played

and I liked the sound his fingers made

sliding across strings

in between chords

But nothing could break me from this melancholy trance

I was sad about the news

the man on the moon 

needed a space suit to breath

and all mountains will crumble

into the sea

eventually.

Boys passed me in ski masks

but payed me no mind

except a nod and a peace sign

The wind blew back my hair

my skin became ice

I stood on top of the mountain

caught in between chords

and waited for it to crumble.

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there is no escape

I stood in the garden
there was death and roses all around us
your hands were cold
I had to let go
But your name doesn’t belong here. 
No one belongs here.
And yet there is no escape.
Her hair was black again
her eyes pinpricks of blue light
Ryan took our pictures
and I broke my wineglass on the floor
I had no idea in the moment
just how precious 
that memory would become. 

  

Tail Feathers

I had dreams 

stacked up like dominoes

and an itchy trigger finger-

I would have liked to have

wrapped you around

But you see, I can laugh at myself

I can laugh at anything

given enough time

Even at the storm that swept my heart

out to sea

You could never be controlled

or tamed

or kept in a jar

That was a foolish thing to dream

Still I can pluck your tail feathers 

and dip them in ink

and write about 

what it was like to breath

within the eye of the storm. 

Cardiac parts

In the wake of last night’s

Whiskey fists 

 I belly crawled into the mouth of the abyss  

 In search of the remnants of his heart 

 He said keep the cynicism out of my kiss 

and the poison out of my bite

But I liked to play with cardiac parts 

Maybe it was the way it squished in my mouth

Maybe it was the Charles Manson glint in his eye

Maybe we were all meant to murder and fry

Maybe we push the repeat button

over and over again

For I loved the tragic

and he had a thing 

for shitty women. 

dirty hair

I doubt myself again

and us

I fear we’ll never recapture what we had

I fear we will

What then???

Either way all this longing will be for naught

Who am I to you?

What are you to me?

A shadow of a memory

a ghost of a touch

You were always the smart one

and I am just a girl 

with dirty hair

who hates her own handwriting.

Believe

Lay me down in these lilac fields of dreams

calm my violent mind, my endless wandering

Your search is over

Smile and breath deeply

pop the poppyseeds

You want my love?

Then come get it

Don’t just say it, spit it

Fucking mean it

Believe it

You were everything I ever wanted and everything I need

You said you’d cross oceans and seas

just to watch me bleed

For my blood can be pretty

spiraling across white sheets

This is heaven,

you better believe it

You better know the dream can go on

when you open your eyes

Believe it

Believe it

Or you will lose it forever.

And on and on…

I fool myself once again,

for it is always what I do

what I am good at,

and not much else

I spend the day petting these old scars

in rememberence of you 

You told me to believe

and then sucker punched my dream

So say the cruelest thing

on the saddest day

and pass it off as a joke

I forget to laugh, something else happens instead 

and I hate you for it

but I hate myself even more

For there is no one I want who wants me

and anyone who wants me, I don’t want

this is how my story goes…and on and on and on

it goes

The wish

We wished a wish

So pure was our desire that our hearts ached and bled for it

We poured all our will and all our tears and all our fervor

into that wish

And when the wish was denied, our hearts broke

We cried, and looked for things to numb our anguish

We told ourselves in slurred speech it was for the best, and things were as they were meant to be

But we didn’t really believe it

For there was nothing left to yearn for

Nothing left to dream

Nothing left to desire

Nothing left to live for 

But then the storm passed, and the desert bloomed

and we were reminded once again life is beautiful

even when it is terrible.